Favourite jokes, quotes

Some Jokes and Quotes:

• A mathematician, a biologist and an physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.
  First they see two people going into the house. Time passes.
  After a while, they notice three people coming out of the house.
  The physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate."
  The biologist's conclusion: "They have reproduced."
  The mathematician: "If exactly one person enters the house now, then it will be empty again."
  

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• Proud father: "Don't you think that our son gets all his brains from me?"
  Mother: "Probably, I still have all mine."
  

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• "A partir de cierto punto no hay retorno. Ese es el punto que hay que alcanzar." (Franz Kafka, 1883-1924)
  

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• "Marriage is the main cause of divorce." (Groucho Marx, 1895-1977)
  

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• A young student was leaving the office when he found the professor standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
  "Listen", said the professor, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
  "Certainly," said the young student. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
  "Excellent, excellent!" said the professor, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
  

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• A young journalist interviewed a bank president.
  "Tell me, Sir, how did you become so successful?"
  " Two words."
  "And what are they, Sir?"
  " Right decisions."
  "How did you make right decisions?"
  " One word."
  "Which one, Sir?"
  " Experience."
  "And how did you get experience?"
  " Two words."
  "And what are they?"
  " Wrong decisions!"
  

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• A well promoted singer brags before his performance in a booming, belling voice,
  "Two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds for 800.000 EUROs."
  There is an awed silence in the audience.
  Suddenly, from the back of the room, a nasal voice of an elderly women is heard, asking:
  "So what did you do with the money?"
  

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• "The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once" - Albert Einstein
  

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• Two Philosophers:
  What is Mind? No Matter.
  What is Body? Never Mind.
  

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• "Pour parler, il faut penser, ou à peu près."
  ("Um zu sprechen, muss man denken, zumindest annäherungsweise.")
  Voltaire (1694-1778)
  

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• "The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool."
  Shakespeare (As you like it, 1599-1600)
  

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• "… la seule façon de lutter contre la peste, c‘est l’honnêteté."
  Albert Camus (La Peste, 1947)
  

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• "What should a children's book be like?
  If you ask me, I can tell you after thinking long and hard:
  It must be good."
  Astrid Lindgren
  

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